Addicted to Poison


Cigarettes. Most of you would have tried them, at least once. Those cancerous, death sticks of tar. I have been a smoker for 9 years. Thats a long time considering Im only 23yrs old. Cast your mind back, can you remember your first puff? I can. I was attempting to be cool in front of the older year in school. Ridiculous when I look back, but what 13year old doesn’t want to impress the “cool kids”. Now cast your mind to today. If you smoke, why do you smoke? Have a think. Be truthful. My response to that question has always been the same. “I like smoking”. BULLSHIT.

Let me tell you what I have come to realise. Smoking is not pleasurable. We only perceive it that way because, lets face it, smokers are drug addicts. Don’t laugh, Nicotine is probably the most dangerous drug known to man. It certainly kills many more than its considerably “nastier” siblings John Crack and Jane Meth. However most smokers will be disgusted by the term drug addict. “We choose to smoke, I am not addicted”.  “I like smoking so why should I stop”. These are phrases we are all guilty of, including myself. Yet its just a pack of lies. Can you honestly say you enjoy stinking, having bad breath, coughing, and suffocating yourself with poison? You don’t enjoy it. Bring yourself back to that first cigarette. If anything like me, you probably coughed your little lungs up and nearly vomited. Was that an pleasurable experience? I don’t think so.

Smoking brainwashes us. I will tell you something now. Something I have never admitted before. one of the reasons I  smoke is for the social side of things, meeting people in the smoking areas, hanging out at work etc. I worry that, if I were to quit, I would be missing out and become less confident? How sad is that? If you know me, you will know Im Mr sociable and do not need any assistance with that whatsoever. So why does the thought of quitting, instantly bring out this fear. Fear that if I quit, ill be denying myself of the “joys” of lung destruction I could be having outside a nightclub with friends. Outside. In the cold. It doesn’t make sense the more I think about it. Then it occurred to me. Smoking doesn’t give me my confidence. It destroys it. Before I smoked I would have never thought I need to smoke to be social and enjoy a night out. Non smokers do not think this way, they go out have a great time, socialise with everybody and manage to do this without killing themselves. This is not to say I am not a confident person. Yet this fear of “losing confidence”, or missing out has only been manifested by nicotine addiction. That little nicotine monster that resides in me, just nibbling away at me, poking and prodding until I quench its thirst for smokes.

Every tom dick and harry knows the dangers of smoking. Yet a smoker will not be worried about these things. Not at the forefront of their minds anyways. Cancer – “meh that wont happen to me”. Heart attack – “Ill worry about that when Im older”. The fact of the matter is I may already have given myself cancer for the future. These problems are real issues that anybody with half a brain cell can understand. SMOKING KILLS. You know it, I know it. So tell me now that you really and truly enjoy smoking. Really think about it. If you have, or imagine, to have kids. Given the choice would you want them to smoke? I don’t think any of you would. So why do you smoke? Honestly analyse your reasons. Evaluate them. Do they make sense? Do you really enjoy it? Or are you just addicted, and to satisfy your craving for that drug, brings a temporary relief AKA “pleasure”. Non smokers need not smoke to relieve stress or feel pleasure. They get these feelings automatically. They need not poison themselves to equal the balance. We do not gain a pleasure from the cigarettes. it just brings us back up to what “normal” should be.

Im not saying all this to lecture anybody. Fuck I still smoke myself. However I really do look at it with a different view. I know I do not enjoy it. I know I want to quit. I just have to take the plunge and do so. I am disgusted with myself to think I am so weak as to feel I need any substance to get me through my day. Am I weak though? Or mentally strong to be able to convince myself that I actually enjoy this garbage. I dont know. If what I have written here makes even one smoker think, second guess their reasons for smoking. I will be happy.

Id be interested to hear from other smokers, ex smokers, even non smokers. Feel free to comment. But for now, Im going to light up, and hate myself even more for doing so.

Ciao x


Come fly with me….


Hi guys, guess who’s back! I thought it’s about time I jump back into writing. Its been far too long ….almost a year! I promise I will try to keep this up more regularly, partly for all my amazing followers….all 4 of you ha.

Well a lot has happened in a year. If you read my first post you can clearly see, destiny threw me a massive curve ball. But hey! Life is one big lesson and I definitely learnt a thing or two from my experiences last year. I wont bore you with all the sad crap that happened, whats done is done ( You can also read about it in my first post anyways)  I have grown from it and moved on. Some of what I wanted to do has been postponed or my goals may have changed, but I’m still me!

Something I would like to talk about is passion. Not the kind of passion you have outside a Lloyd’s bar one friday after a few too many.When I say passion I mean what are you driven by? The main one for me is Travel. Sounds kind of selfish right? Well it is. This is not to say saving the environment, stopping poaching or deforestation is of no importance to me! I am very concerned and interested in those topics. Yet they are not MY passion. At least not in this stage of my little ol’ life!

For me travel means so much more than laying on a beach topping up my tan. Mainly because I can’t tan (pasty people problems) but that is not my point. It is about journey & discovery. Not just of the physical either. A journey within yourself. Discovering who you truly are. I am heading to Iceland in March and it could not come any sooner! That will satisfy my cravings for a while. Scratch that itchy travel bug bite. Not for long ….who knows where my next journey will be…or when! That is half the fun though. If you know what I am talking about, it is likely you have the same itch as I. Not wanting to stay in one place for too long. That never-ending ache to explore and see the world.

As humans there is a lot more than meets the eye and we are a very spiritual,soulful being deep down. Every time I travel it’s as if I have opened up yet another doorway within myself. Found a new path for me to head down. You can learn much more from travel and life experience than any lesson in a classroom. FACT. It’s funny how so many people look down on me for not having a degree. Not fulfilling my “potential”. Yet what does that even mean? I can always go back to education. Yet I attend the school of life ladies and gentleman and even If I don’t have a degree, I can tell you now I have some experiences that will leave me feeling pretty fulfilled when my life flashes before my eyes and I meet my maker.

The things I have learnt about myself,that have shaped my very attitudes to life, have come from my experiences in Travel. That is something you cannot get from a book. The way I try to live, is a direct result of some of the struggles and triumphs I have witnessed. A wise man once said –

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain

If only everybody could have the opportunity. We may well live in a better world eh? Mr Twain was right. You do look at things differently. Learn to appreciate and understand different customs,cultures and beliefs. It’s a beautiful thing. To be able to open your mind up to all the world has to offer. I cannot stress enough how much you can grow from seeing the beauty that is our planet. To gain another perspective, another angle on humanity. Its triumphs and tribulations. It is honestly something that drives me forward, that thirst and hunger for more knowledge, beauty and well…life!

So on that note I implore you. Next time you visit somewhere on holiday. Do a bit more than sip beers by the pool (not like that’s a bad thing). Go out, soak up the culture as well as the sun. Open your eyes to the small things and they can have the biggest impact on you. This I promise. Even closer to home. You do not have to travel halfway around the world(as nice as that would be) to appreciate what you have and take away something new.

Sorry half of this blog is ramble! I am rather tired, and promised myself I would get this out before I went to sleep. It will get much better, but please do have a think about what I said.Thirty years from now you will regret the things you never did, more than the things you have done.


Sam x

Celebrity culture…what happened?



Type in the word “Celebrity” on Wikipedia and you will get this definition. 

“A celebrity is a person, who has a prominent profile in day-to-day media and because of this commands some degree of public fascination and influence. A celebrity is usually expected to be wealthy (commonly denoted as a person with fame and fortune), implied with great popular appeal, prominence in a particular field, and is easily recognised by the general public.”

If I asked you to walk into a shop and approach the magazine/newspaper section. I bet you would see a celebrity on almost every single cover of those magazine. Celebrity is not a person anymore its a business and a lifestyle. Countless gossip magazines, newspapers 3/4 full of celebrity stories and news. People make a living from “documenting” other peoples lives. Now documenting is probably the polite word for it. Numerous times have i opened a newspaper to see a photo of some z lister eating a banana. Really! Like seriously?! is this what counts as news these days?

On the front cover of almost every newspaper, minus a few reputable papers. You will see a headline of something like “Helen Flanagan flashes knickers.” That is not news. Yet turn the pages past say the first 5 and you will see a story on 35 people killed in a bomb blast. Thats news. It makes me angry to think that we have allowed ourselves to be dumbed down so much by gossip and celebrities , that we have started to become numb to the real pressing issues of the world. Poverty, hunger, governments being overthrown, wars. They all take a backseat so that we can find out what colour top Justin Bieber is wearing today!

When I was a child, I do not remember knowing about too many celebs. I liked to play, dressed in whatever my mum put me in, and the only idols I had were the Power Rangers. Now you see children wanting to dress like the people they see in magazines. Young children idolising Miley Cyrus or Rihanna who wear next to nothing and prance around on stage twerking on people. These are the people young children look up to. 

It is worrying to think that celebrity culture now pretty much runs the life of everyday people. We want to follow what they have been doing. We want to copy what they have been wearing. We follow them on Twitter. People like Kim Kardashian. Why do people feel the need to follow what she has been doing? She is just a woman, a woman who got famous for sleeping with a rubbish rapper. How do people feel the need for her to be famous? I do not understand? How can people idolise that? We should be idolising people such as Mother Theresa, Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King. Real heroes, revolutionaries, people who have actually made a difference in the world. So many ordinary people, day to day heroes do not get the acknowledgement and appreciation they no doubt deserve, because it takes a backseat to this drivel we see on the news everyday.

Something else that celebrity culture is killing off. Individuality. Everybody these days looks like sheep? They all dress the same, in the name of what, fashion? Fashion that stems from what celebs have been wearing. You all look like clones! Dress how YOU want to dress, not how society expects you to dress. Wear what you like, pierce what you like, be YOU , for the love of God, be yourselves.

I could probably talk about this forever. Go into facts or statistics but this is a blog and not an essay or some factual research! 

If you agree OR disagree, feel free to comment!

Rant over, Smurf out!

Oh London town

London Sunset

London Sunset

I have grown up in London. Thats 22 years of living here. Now after 22 years of anywhere, you tend to get a little bored. The same sights, the same people. Same way of life. For some years now I have been wanting to leave, and I will leave at some stage. London just doesn’t do enough for me anymore. Its as if my heart lies elsewhere…..*cough Sydney cough*

Or so I thought.

As I am currently waiting to start my new job, I get a bit bored of sitting at home doing sweet FA while waiting for the other kids to finish work and come out and play. Obviously play means head to the Pub for those of you who do not know me too well. Well yesterday I took it upon myself to dig out my trusty Nikon camera, which I had been neglecting for some time now and hit the streets of London. I simply needed to get out the house. Only so much Jeremy Kyle one person can watch before you start to literally feel your brain cells diminishing.

On my travels something peculiar happened. A feeling came over me that I had not felt for some time. One of excitement, and discovery. Pride even? I was seeing London in a light I had not seen for some time. Myself and my camera , exploring Southbank, Tower hill, Westminster. I looked like a tourist but I felt more at home then I have for some years. I was realising just how magical London really is, and just how much I take it for granted. This amazing city, populated by such a diverse range of cultures and beliefs. Blended into one to make it what it is today. It really is a beautiful city. As I strolled down the Southbank, discovering all these cobbled back streets, littered with amazing old English pubs, or wonderful examples of modern architecture such as the Shard, I felt very much happy that I could call this city my home.

So for that, London. I owe you an apology. For dismissing you so eagerly as a rubbish place to live. For forgetting how well you blend the old with the new. For many reasons. I do still want to move to Sydney, once my adventures come to an end. Sydney has my heart, and my family. However instead of turning my back on London. I have realised that this will always be my home. I grew up here, went to school, fell in love for the first time, had my heart broken, met my amazing friends and many many more experiences all while living in London.

If you find yourself starting to loathe the place you live, forgetting what made you move there in the first place or any number of reasons for not wanting to be there. Take a step back and admire it for what it is. Remember what you loved about the place. Do something different? Even if its taking a slightly different route to work! The little things will make a difference. If you still don’t like the place. Well. My advice to you would be…. there is always Sydney ;).

“Wow you are so small!”

For those of you who know me, you will know I am a short little man.Those of you who only know me via this blog, I would hope you realised from the “Smurf” references that I am no jolly green giant. How tall am I?  5 ft 2 to be precise. I lost 3 inches when I actually measured myself  a couple of months back and realised I really wasn’t as tall as I claimed to be. It was a sad day.

Ever since I was a child i have had to deal with people stereotyping me about my height, or ridiculing me. I was called midget right the way through secondary school, and so took on the nickname of Smurf, to try to blunt it down and make being short, my thing, not an insult. Has it ever truly bothered me? Not really. Its just who I am!  Besides it comes with a whole host of perks. I shall not have the time to list them all but I shall go over a few briefly.

  • I can shop at baby gap to save myself some $$$
  • I am usually at the right height so as if I am to go in for a hug on a woman, I get a free motorboat to boot!
  • It is very easy for me to manoeuvre about amongst crowds, e.g. football, festivals, clubs.

I have many more but one cannot give away all of ones secrets, I already fear the motorboat comment may cost me…

NOW the one thing that DOES really wind me up, is peoples stupidity. Something I hear all to often is;

“Wowww you are really short!”




Way to point out the obvious! As if i had not realised that for the past 22 years of my life! Next time I spot somebody with one leg I might just feel the need to point that out to them. Just incase they forgot you know? Gosh… One stereotype I often get is, that people assume I cannot drink a lot.Guess what….this is false! I had somebody at the place I used to work, refuse to get me a double Jack at the bar, because he thought I  would not be able to handle it. . It does not matter, how tall you are, some people can just handle their alcohol better than others. I have a good friend of mine who is well over 6ft and I drink him under the table frequently. You know who you are… 

But seriously! Don’t stereotype me! Do not decide how much alcohol my tiny body can handle for me. Do not assume I am unhappy or have a crap life because I come up to your belly button! Do not assume I have no luck with women either! Granted some ladies like a taller man, but once your girlfriend realises how nice I am and how much of a stereotypical douchebag you are, do not be surprised to see her carrying me back to her place!

I love being short, it is just who I am. I would not trade it in for an extra couple of inches any day of the week. The people who are first  to make a wisecrack, usually you are the one who has something you are trying to distract from. Like your giant hooter or boss eyes. Yes i noticed, Im just not that much of an arsehole to bring it up.

So next tim you think “awww look at that cute little man.” Or “Are you even old enough to be in here bro.” Just remember that i am probably laughing at your tango tan makeup, or crooked teeth.

And by the way its true what they say,

Good things come in small packages  *wink*

Welcome to my world



Sooo blogging? I have never really thought about doing it before. I tend to read other blogs but the thought of actually applying myself and dedicating some time to writing my own blog never crossed my mind. Until today, Sunday 9th Feb 2014. Whats changed? Im not too sure, and I have no idea what direction this blog will go, a public diary perhaps? Informative discussions? Mad ramblings? probably the latter but I will try to not bore anybody who takes 5 minutes of their day to read my entries!

Im at somewhat of a crossroads in my life right now. I left my job, for my own mental health and sanity, As such i now have to move out of my flat and back home. I have also parted ways with someone that was very special to me and always will be. Throw in my dearest Nan passing away just before christmas and its been a rather rubbish few months! So im sitting here wondering, “where is my life going?”

Im sure many of you reading this have thought this at some point in your life. If you are lucky enough to have followed your dreams and “path” from the off. Fair play to you. I tend to go off the beaten track myself! So as I was saying, where is my life going? Well for the first time in a long time I can honestly say I do not have a clue!

Until recently I was in a stable job, with a long term relationship to go with it. I constantly had something to do and somebody to talk to. I can honestly say right now without either of these things I feel very lonely and lost. That is not to say I made the wrong decisions. Yet it does leave me feeling rather vulnerable. As if my safety blanket is gone. That now I have to face up to reality and actually get my life together again.

I want to run away, it is so tempting to just book a flight to some other country and pretend like everything is alright. Yet as soon as I run out of funds and come home reality will hit me like Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball. I know its not the answer. Neither is alcohol….I must admit I have not avoided that one much lately however…ooops.

However for the first time in a long time I also feel free.

This is a fresh start, A chance to jump aboard life and let it lead me on a new journey. My life is not over, pffft im only 22! My life is just beginning and these setbacks and obstacles that life throws at us, are not here to make us fail but to help us grow as a person and learn from these experiences.

So that is what I intend to do. I have started my PADI open water scuba diving course and complete that in two weeks time. The plan? Well i hope to do a diving internship abroad,Thailand possibly. Learn to dive and eventually become an instructor!

If you really know me, you know how adventurous I am. I know that I will never be able to work an office job for the rest of my life. That 9-5 is nothing more then a hell to me. This is an opportunity for me to do something I love. Imagine waking up on a tropical island, strolling 5 minutes down the beach to work and to Scuba dive all day as a job. I cannot think of anything more exciting!

I might get out there and end up coming home In a couple of months, who knows! I might end up travelling the world and teaching scuba for years on end! All I know is if I do not try it. I will regret it for the rest of my life.

I will keep you posted how my little journey is going!

I also promise not all my blog posts will be this boring!

Thanks for reading, catch you all soon!

– Sam