Addicted to Poison

smokerskull

Cigarettes. Most of you would have tried them, at least once. Those cancerous, death sticks of tar. I have been a smoker for 9 years. Thats a long time considering Im only 23yrs old. Cast your mind back, can you remember your first puff? I can. I was attempting to be cool in front of the older year in school. Ridiculous when I look back, but what 13year old doesn’t want to impress the “cool kids”. Now cast your mind to today. If you smoke, why do you smoke? Have a think. Be truthful. My response to that question has always been the same. “I like smoking”. BULLSHIT.

Let me tell you what I have come to realise. Smoking is not pleasurable. We only perceive it that way because, lets face it, smokers are drug addicts. Don’t laugh, Nicotine is probably the most dangerous drug known to man. It certainly kills many more than its considerably “nastier” siblings John Crack and Jane Meth. However most smokers will be disgusted by the term drug addict. “We choose to smoke, I am not addicted”.  “I like smoking so why should I stop”. These are phrases we are all guilty of, including myself. Yet its just a pack of lies. Can you honestly say you enjoy stinking, having bad breath, coughing, and suffocating yourself with poison? You don’t enjoy it. Bring yourself back to that first cigarette. If anything like me, you probably coughed your little lungs up and nearly vomited. Was that an pleasurable experience? I don’t think so.

Smoking brainwashes us. I will tell you something now. Something I have never admitted before. one of the reasons I  smoke is for the social side of things, meeting people in the smoking areas, hanging out at work etc. I worry that, if I were to quit, I would be missing out and become less confident? How sad is that? If you know me, you will know Im Mr sociable and do not need any assistance with that whatsoever. So why does the thought of quitting, instantly bring out this fear. Fear that if I quit, ill be denying myself of the “joys” of lung destruction I could be having outside a nightclub with friends. Outside. In the cold. It doesn’t make sense the more I think about it. Then it occurred to me. Smoking doesn’t give me my confidence. It destroys it. Before I smoked I would have never thought I need to smoke to be social and enjoy a night out. Non smokers do not think this way, they go out have a great time, socialise with everybody and manage to do this without killing themselves. This is not to say I am not a confident person. Yet this fear of “losing confidence”, or missing out has only been manifested by nicotine addiction. That little nicotine monster that resides in me, just nibbling away at me, poking and prodding until I quench its thirst for smokes.

Every tom dick and harry knows the dangers of smoking. Yet a smoker will not be worried about these things. Not at the forefront of their minds anyways. Cancer – “meh that wont happen to me”. Heart attack – “Ill worry about that when Im older”. The fact of the matter is I may already have given myself cancer for the future. These problems are real issues that anybody with half a brain cell can understand. SMOKING KILLS. You know it, I know it. So tell me now that you really and truly enjoy smoking. Really think about it. If you have, or imagine, to have kids. Given the choice would you want them to smoke? I don’t think any of you would. So why do you smoke? Honestly analyse your reasons. Evaluate them. Do they make sense? Do you really enjoy it? Or are you just addicted, and to satisfy your craving for that drug, brings a temporary relief AKA “pleasure”. Non smokers need not smoke to relieve stress or feel pleasure. They get these feelings automatically. They need not poison themselves to equal the balance. We do not gain a pleasure from the cigarettes. it just brings us back up to what “normal” should be.

Im not saying all this to lecture anybody. Fuck I still smoke myself. However I really do look at it with a different view. I know I do not enjoy it. I know I want to quit. I just have to take the plunge and do so. I am disgusted with myself to think I am so weak as to feel I need any substance to get me through my day. Am I weak though? Or mentally strong to be able to convince myself that I actually enjoy this garbage. I dont know. If what I have written here makes even one smoker think, second guess their reasons for smoking. I will be happy.

Id be interested to hear from other smokers, ex smokers, even non smokers. Feel free to comment. But for now, Im going to light up, and hate myself even more for doing so.

Ciao x

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