For those of you who know me, you will know I am a short little man.Those of you who only know me via this blog, I would hope you realised from the “Smurf” references that I am no jolly green giant. How tall am I? 5 ft 2 to be precise. I lost 3 inches when I actually measured myself a couple of months back and realised I really wasn’t as tall as I claimed to be. It was a sad day.
Ever since I was a child i have had to deal with people stereotyping me about my height, or ridiculing me. I was called midget right the way through secondary school, and so took on the nickname of Smurf, to try to blunt it down and make being short, my thing, not an insult. Has it ever truly bothered me? Not really. Its just who I am! Besides it comes with a whole host of perks. I shall not have the time to list them all but I shall go over a few briefly.
- I can shop at baby gap to save myself some $$$
- I am usually at the right height so as if I am to go in for a hug on a woman, I get a free motorboat to boot!
- It is very easy for me to manoeuvre about amongst crowds, e.g. football, festivals, clubs.
I have many more but one cannot give away all of ones secrets, I already fear the motorboat comment may cost me…
NOW the one thing that DOES really wind me up, is peoples stupidity. Something I hear all to often is;
“Wowww you are really short!”
Way to point out the obvious! As if i had not realised that for the past 22 years of my life! Next time I spot somebody with one leg I might just feel the need to point that out to them. Just incase they forgot you know? Gosh… One stereotype I often get is, that people assume I cannot drink a lot.Guess what….this is false! I had somebody at the place I used to work, refuse to get me a double Jack at the bar, because he thought I would not be able to handle it. . It does not matter, how tall you are, some people can just handle their alcohol better than others. I have a good friend of mine who is well over 6ft and I drink him under the table frequently. You know who you are…
But seriously! Don’t stereotype me! Do not decide how much alcohol my tiny body can handle for me. Do not assume I am unhappy or have a crap life because I come up to your belly button! Do not assume I have no luck with women either! Granted some ladies like a taller man, but once your girlfriend realises how nice I am and how much of a stereotypical douchebag you are, do not be surprised to see her carrying me back to her place!
I love being short, it is just who I am. I would not trade it in for an extra couple of inches any day of the week. The people who are first to make a wisecrack, usually you are the one who has something you are trying to distract from. Like your giant hooter or boss eyes. Yes i noticed, Im just not that much of an arsehole to bring it up.
So next tim you think “awww look at that cute little man.” Or “Are you even old enough to be in here bro.” Just remember that i am probably laughing at your tango tan makeup, or crooked teeth.
And by the way its true what they say,
Good things come in small packages *wink*